So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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