she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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