I just gift wrapped bread.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
