So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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