I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
