the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
