your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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