I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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