I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
