I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
