How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
