I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
