When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
