Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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