Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
