I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
