So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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