2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
