i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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