shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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