Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
