those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
