No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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