I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize