I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
