That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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