She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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