Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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