Who did Billy Mays play for?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
