omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize