I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
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he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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