does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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