I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
