see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
