Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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