GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
