Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
