Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can text with my tongue
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
