Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize