Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
