I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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