I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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