don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize