Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
