none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
