Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
