he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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