I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize