To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
