I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
