just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
