i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
