My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
