What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
