I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
