A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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