I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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