For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
