Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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