Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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