My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Randomize
