We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
