If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
