I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
